disillusionx

2006-01-01T00:32:00.000+08:00

oh~

this pic evoked a gamut of feelings... delight, sadness, anger, pity, surprise...
which more or less describes 2005 and is expected from 2006...

reminded me of wendy =p

anyway, i spent the first minutes of this year in the toilet - not exactly a very good start... pooh~

2005-12-13T00:38:00.000+08:00

“2005年12月13日，
我依然无法把你忘记。”

Do you still need him?
放手吧，让他成为你永远的回忆。

~~~

他有那么好吗？
需要这么坚持？
(Haha... So ironic...)

进展如何？

2005-09-23T17:00:00.000+08:00

Stop running away.
Avoid the unavoidable?
Face it like a man.
Overcome the fear.
Surprise yourself; better yourself.

I surprise myself...

2005-09-17T08:26:00.000+08:00

Whilst clutching my civilian bag and gleefully exiting safti for a long (and well-deserved) weekend, i saw old pal liqian. was nice to have that 5 min talk, n we caught up as much as could. he did go for a cruise to some country for a holiday and *gasp* for shopping. damn wished we could talk more. that aside, next week would see the closure of my service term b4 i head onto professional term as a senior cadet. what an insane 14 weeks its been...

And with the ever-cliched blink of an eye, service term is about to come to a close. A rollercoaster of emotional surges, a constant yet valiant battle against the mighty Z-monster and last but not the least definitely, our very first nights out. It saw my bosom buddy and ex-roommate, OCT Joses, taking his leave from the officer cadet’s course due to a pertaining back injury. Such was the painful lesson on how fragile and susceptible we are to the limits of our physique, and I cannot help but wonder when another one of us would fall prey to such a cruel twist of fate. I reminisce about the times in tri service term when we would confide in each other, share our kitchenette food and run ET runs together. With a hardened heart, I blink these scenes away, and life still goes on. Time, in all its chronological apathy, waits for no soldier.

I then take a step into the great unknown. Service term for me, was analogous to that of secondary school, a growing up process where friends come and go. The SISPEC crossovers were very much welcomed, for a plethora of reasons. Bravo wing, for a start, is badly understaffed, and prior to the crossover period, our wing strength merely constituted that of a platoon, and with basic mathematical calculations, we were executing three times equivalent of area cleaning and weapon maintenance and instructor tekans. I was indeed grateful for every new fresh pair of hands that arrived on deck. It was a totally new wing when the crossovers entered and for once we could boast of a true Bravo wing size on the parade square.

As for the physical intensity, I would be lying to say it was not tough. I still remember the 4 field camps week after week, where we would don our full battle order and troop out to the respective camp sites for the outfield training. the pain of digging trenches for 17 hours without sleep were beautifully ugly, and having to semula the entire exercise all over was just too painfully endearing an exercise to repeat. charging up knolls with casualties and a GPMG made me breathless literally, but breathless would be too cheap a word for the paranomic view atop .85 knoll. captivating in all instances, especially at night. but something i noted was for instance, the impracticality of certain training drills. the juggle of both realism and safety was something to take note of, yet there had to be a balance between both without infringing on either equality of the equation. hmm...

In a nutshell, service term would be a nursery for me as I embark on the course. the road ahead isn’t exactly a bed of roses, neither would it be smooth flowing. I take heed in the advice my instructors have given to me, as well as the friendships I have forged since coming to Bravo wing. With that said, professional term beckons. An unchartered path, an arduous route ahead with many responsibilites as a senior cadet and as a battle-hardened soldier. And as the army tune goes, ‘because we want (our land) to be free’, i will take heed and survive the next 6 months. With support from my family and friends, perhaps, we will all stand together, beaming with pride, on the parade square during the commissioning parade come 11th of March.

2005-09-10T12:12:00.000+08:00

some thoughts i penned down whilst in the bunk...

the thing about ice kachang.

And as always, the gorgeous exterior looks ever so tempting with the hues of colourful syrup. Pink? Green? Add a dash of coconut milk to form bliss personified into mouth-watering dessert. It looks deceiving good. Enticing slowly, beckoning the customer into wilful disillusion and helpless submission. But doesnt this ring a bell to life's degrading self? The deception of issues pertaining to our very lives weans us away pitifully from the ideal perception of reality, and rather than comprehending the whole picture, the facade gleefully blurrs all attemps at looking things as they should be. Who canst resist the picturesque radiance of the vivid exterior? My mouth waters, i tuck in, hooked onto deceptively simple bait.

A swirl of the spoon reveals treasures aplenty. The priceless atapchees, the red and black jellies and the deep yellow corn pieces. It tastes good, too good to be true. The soothing sugar syrup delivers immense pleasure to the taste buds, what more could one ask for? My lips curl slyly into a smile, grining broadly at my newfound treasure. As if on cue, my hand lowers the spoon into the remains of the sweet mixture, melding both colours of syrup together as a result. Alas, the painful truth emerges. A thick, dull brown mixture results. Oh, the repugnance of the horrifying result! I quickly shun it, like a quick jolt to my senses, and walk purposefully away from it.

never start smoking. its a slippery downslope to irreturnable addiction.

2005-08-07T14:42:00.000+08:00

*sweeps away the dust with a condescending hand*

Step by step,
heart to heart,
left right left
We all fall down
Step by step,
heart to heart,
left right left
We all fall down like toy soldiers
Bit by bit
torn apart
We never win
But the battle wages on
for toy soldiers

nice song huh? beats all those army tunes we sing everyday, hands down.

2005-06-19T20:59:00.000+08:00

some talk to cock about. pits and bieces, there and here. its been quite abit since i was last here.

when was the last time i smiled? what can possibly ignite unforced happiness, sheer delight? some say love, some say a bright future, some say friends, some even say chocolate, or lemon tea for the fact. perhaps, in the gamet of emotions, being happy is the most sought after, unless you're some sorta deranged sadist, or pensive mesochist for that matter. i remember being happy some time back, when all was at bliss, everything picture perfect, smooth flowing, attached with someone to love and care for, maintaining priceless friendships, flunking tests and the list goes on. it felt good. they say happiness is derived from a simple stimulation in the physical brain, some sorta neuron, or hormone. i say, invent something to enforce this stimulation! it'd probably get you some nobel, or at least the idea would be worthy of applause. think how many lives you can and could change, no more sad people, ridding the world of melancholy, tears and disillusion. you could be the next global superhero, a role model for many. on second thoughts, just eat chocolate. after all, happiness is simple. look for it in the fridge.

when was the last time i dreamt? i must confess. i used to dream that i was a soldier on the battlefield, guns blazing, trigger happy. i would carry two condescending arms, wading into enemy forces with heroic demeanor. and then i seep back into reality and realise, to my ____ (horror/anguish/excitement/sinister inclinations), that it may actually be a dream come true. ok, so i may be worth as much as the next bullet that hits me, but still, the dream was so vivid, and how often do u actually get to play patriot without splitting a hair. fantastic, aint it? a little bit of fantasy-injected daydreaming, throw in a dash of violence, sprinkle some fanatic heroism, perhaps a few patriotic zealots, and you have your very own sweet dream, with you as the fortunate protagonist to top it off. 1 man to rule them all, 1 gun to kill them all. and the icing on the cake? you never seem to die in this dream. but then again, rambo you may be better off playing cs.

when was the last time i defected? well as darth vader would say, come over to the dark side. how often have i been a perpetrator of wrongdoings? i've always been a little sucker for being a good citizen. well i dont litter any o how, i dont destroy public property, and i dont dismember women and place their respective parts into zip lock bags, army style. yech. but if even jedis can have a change of heart, i guess we humans of lesser personality and stature should be more susceptible to the eh hem.. darker side. and we dont have THE FORCE. but not to worry, help is at hand. all you have to do is be good, eat your vegetables, be in bed early and do your homework. if not, be prepared to don a hideous black suit of armour, with buttons on your chest and a cool black cape on your back. oh yes, you also get to talk in an aesthmatic voice, heaving in lispy fashion. so be good, and maybe, just maybe santa will visit you this year.

a disillusioned voice. it spoke vividly.

2005-06-17T23:09:00.000+08:00

OCS.....................................................Rifleman

Dunno what to think, dunno how to feel...

2005-06-15T00:10:00.000+08:00

the first ever pic in the blog and it has to be about NS. maybe it's really redundant cos the gals aren't interested and the guys are bored. but hey, it adds some colour (maybe just one colour) to the otherwise plain blog.

bunch of crap

2005-05-28T23:52:00.000+08:00

just this very morning, i awoke to the crisp fresh air wafting thru the bunk. it was a sweet savour, distinct yet pleasant. an orange hue blazed across the sky, with crimson clouds welcoming the lovely day with a subtle smile. i took a deep breath and yawned, it was book out day. the feeling was good, very good. and the very thought of knowing you'll be in the soft comfort of home in a mere couple of hours is analogous to that of salt to bland fries. a simple recollection of the past week whizzed through my mind, and with the mild churning of the fan overhead, images of the 2.4km run juxtaposed itself upon the 8 mile walk back home. both taxing, yet of different nature. a glance across the bunk, my buddies still stirring in their sleep and perhaps a few more minutes and their visual perspective will be brought back into reality, back from the depths of fantasy dreams and what have you. the bed felt unusually soft, the blanket warm, didnt seem like a normal training day. but still things needed to be done, things needed to get into gear, and things dont wait for no one.

inevitability. for every winner there is a loser. for every red lightsabre there exists a blue/green one. and for every promising book out, there would be a demoralizing book in.

and its this inevitability we all have to face.

2005-05-22T15:55:00.000+08:00

angelix's quiz of 10 (un)orthodox ways to find out if your life has changed.. in a certain manner.

1) when talking to friends u adopt unknowingly an at ease position. otherwise known as sir nan di ri. there exist a tendency to look straight ahead despite area happenings, eyes fixated to the front, as though some mythical enchantment befell. move at your own peril.

2) you keep staring at your watch. by some force majeur, your watch in all its fanciness, seems to command your gaze upon it ever so often, akin to that of a snake charmer. u like to keep track of the time, and even more so indulge in complaining about how it goes by without u knowing it.

3) u find that hair is such a beautiful part of the human body. ahh yes, those wavy little black strands swaying to the gush of the wind, coloured or tinted strands are even more appealing. first think about your own funky hairstyle, then feel green with envy.

4) water is good. you drink as much as possible and as often as possible. when u start wishing for a cup of water every half hour or so, you know you've had it. withdrawal symptoms include a dry throat and uneasy shifting, all these within an hour or so. think camel.

5) you honestly and seriously look forward to weekends. a lot. a whole lot. never before has those 2 days beckoned with such open and receiving arms, yet sadly enough, these 48 hours go by like sand thru an hourglass, and the entire cycle begins again. vicious. very.

6) fit fit fit! walking down orch road doesnt seem that tiring after all. in fact u feel good that u did those lazy legs some physical justice. covering points from lido to cine doesnt seem that much a chore anymore, in fact u feel so light-footed it seems like u're picking up the pace with those home comfy shoes. next poster person for nike airwalk eh?

7) sitting down becomes a luxury. what more can be said? nothing beats lying in the comfort of a cushioned chair with fitting armrests, with your back superimposed in a 45 degree manner. take a sip of iced tea coupled with a reassuring bag of hershey chocs and u're on the way to man-made uninterrupted bliss. hugging your favourite pillow would be the last straw.

8) u find looking at naked guys bathing normal. no dont show me those fuzzy eyebrows. when u have to queue up to shower, u cant possibly close your eyes all the time. so there. n-o-r-m-a-l. at least for some. ah hem.

9) vulgarities are but mere adjectives to sentences. stretch your vocab, so they say. if almost every sentence u hear requires some sort of censorship containment, perhaps a routine check on the social environment you are currently abiding in should be carried out. while u're at it, try correcting the people who spew these linguistic degrading sentences in rapid succession, instilling in them the importance of keeping conversation on morally healthy grounds. disillusionx will bear no part of the consequences though. =)

10) you've fired guns, thrown grenades, crawled under live fire, survived the cruel jungle warfare, hopped gingerly over barbed wire, dugged trenches, became mosquito food and pitched tents within the last few months. this kinda sums it all up. either u're into guerilla daydreaming, or your life has undergone an epic mutation. evolution of lifestyles.. nice.

so there you are. how did you score?? interestingly enough, u'll either score full marks or none for this. and i got.. *drumroll*... full marks. damn.

2005-05-16T00:20:00.000+08:00

1 week ago...

I have begun to pamper myself with the little pleasures in life, mainly to distract myself from the numbing and painfully monotonous millitary life (or maybe just the recruits' life) . My cupboard is literally littered with bags of tidbits and candy. An obvious adverse effect of not having stand by bed. As I munch on chocolates and sip mandarin orange tea, I'm feeling slightly high with POP in sight. Yes, ORD shouldn't be too far away. This has really just been a long exercise programme for me. But wait, there's a route march on monday. Sigh.

This week...

The next and last route march would be the 24km graduation march. Great. There's really nothing much left in BMT. I survived the outfields. I survived the route marches. I survived the live grenade throw. The remaining 3 weeks should be easy. Long waiting/slacking/sleeping/eating time for range practice. What is there to stop me?? But wait, there's always the SOC. Sigh.

I don't know why I have this feeling that my brain is degenerating. I can't seem to think properly. A pretty bad omen. Someone please save me...

2005-05-08T14:00:00.000+08:00

GOLD with Honours... Congrats =D

2005-04-23T16:11:00.000+08:00

i never thought i would say this. but with the ever cliched blink of the eye, i am back. in mainland singapore. the land of fresh air, clean water, dust-free beds, insect-free zones and all the carnal desires a ns guy could ever drool for. a pity i never took to appreciating the simple things in life, things such as sitting down and savouring seconds when the cold wind blows, talking to friends, being able to chew and appreciate food and more. now i do. and with all the imparted military jargon in my head, i have begun a new life. one of regimental backbone, one of physical endurance, one of psychological battles. with sergeants flowering their vocabulary with hokkien specifics, i suppose some sort of mental filter must be implaced, lest a degradation of linguistic skills ensues. and somehow it kind of rubs off onto my bunkmates, so i'm attending 24/7 language class nowadays. oh yes b4 i forget, many many thanks to those who smsed n called on the first few days. the encouragement is simply.. priceless. without those words, life would be that much tougher, that much more unsupportive, that much more tedious. many thanks and many thanks. then again my bad for not replying. well we do haf 'admin' time every night from 930 to 1030.. supposedly, but sending arms and the last parade simply chews up bulk of this free time, but excuses r but for wimps. so i apologise. ah well, with the overtly chlorinated tekong water and the dusty bunks, almost all save a few have succumbed to disease and attend b tags reached a high of 12 on one particular day. hopefully with the cookhouse oranges giving life-saving vitamin c, we'll all pull through. training's alright and manageable, tho the speed training gives me butt cramps ever so often. more or less getting used to all the punishments, half lefts to crunch position, spread-gather timings etc etc. i remember one day with speed training in the morning, then close combat training in afternoon, and then strength training at late afternoon, followed by pc tekan session comprising 80 assorted push ups and chin up regimes in one sitting. straining, but bonds effectively. falcon platoon ppl are pretty friendly and fit, and within the first few days i've got to know almost everyone around. not bad, all have very interesting tales to talk about at night while we lie in bed and think about.. stuff. ahh so much to say but so little time. *glances at watch* few more hours to going bak in, so i shall end here. cyu'll next week. promise!

looking all around us,
children having fun
while we are holding guns.

as my hands ran through the curves and notches of my m16 wife, it struck me that the very thing could protect my life one day. and as my eyes scanned the corners of my bunk, it struck me that the very people could save my life one day. and as my mind raced thru the recesses of my memories, it stuck me that the very you could change my life one day.

2005-04-06T20:25:00.000+08:00

well i admit that i dont do this very often, but since i'm not too sure when i'll be back here splaying out my words on this computer screen, here goes. and oh ya, this isnt a will. *grinx* i'll miss the monday night dinners, the people at the monday night dinners. i'll miss the entire bunch of 33ians, for fraternal ties and strengthened bonds pulled us thru thick n thin. i'll miss my parents, my home, my bed, my com, my 2 over-zealous and eager-to-please dogs pappy and fluff. i'll miss the grand outings, the movies, the pool, the birthday parties, the arcade, the dota sessions, the shopping, the bowling, the steamboats, the ice cream at swensens, the long runs, the talking, the crapping, the fish n co experience etc. i'll miss the hk trip dearly, the 10 of us who walked incredulous distances every day and did incredulous amounts of shopping every minute. i'll miss the freedom of being able to wake up realising its already afternoon. i'll miss the lan outings, both online and offline. i'll miss the lengthy msn conversations i have with every one of you till unearthly hours each day. i'll miss the equally lengthy phone conversations, all were unique and special. i'll miss my hair, and i wonder when i'll actually touch gatsby ever again. i'll miss this blog, the words, the tags, the people.

silence is golden, or is it..?

ah yes, i have to bid a temporary farewell to my heartiest pals. in no particular order. shrills and spills am, da man weijie, brudder weixiang, cool dude zhanz, mg gal wendy, hum who's still lacking thereof, disillusioned partner nico, advisor-cum-dota-tudi fionash, close pal jas, lan pals kelvin, yiuyan and liqian, the weather of drizzle and rain, angel(1), angel(2), pretty bridesmaid qingyu, gossip partner yunzi, shian jie, good friend jinyi, yin the motivator, the not-so-innocent kevin, sleeky shaun, pc2 king geof, chwish catdoggy, and last but not least, her. and if there's any i left out, i sincerely implore your gracious forgiveness. that said, i'm the last of the 33ians to go in save for kelvin, and sad as it may seem, i'll be leaving everyone behind and embarking on the inaugural trip to tekong island to morph into a man, so they say. well, i dont really know how much of me is gonna change, but a smile is a smile and i'll keep it on =)

i love you guys. see you'll reeel soon.

recruit jonathan siow. angelix.

2005-04-06T00:01:00.000+08:00

the pen is mightier than the sword.

i've always enjoyed playing around with these 26 little guys. string them about, permutate them mercilessly, and a flurry of phrases erupt, evolving into fledging sentences. blogspot has been a favourite webbie for me these past few months, leave a post here n there for my pals to read, and perhaps its my very own outlet for feelings, integrated into mere binary numbers of computer jargon. *beams* and then i wonder, when would be the next time i actually post again. its funny how time flew, cliche as it may sound. but honestly. flew. it struck me today that i'm finally migrating over to singaporean guys' favourite island in a few days time, like how the whicked truth strikes youthful innocence with a cold palm of the hand. and i wonder how much of me is gonna change. the thought of going in isnt exactly petrifying, but rather a tinge of excitement lingers about the very issue. i'll miss everybody.

and perhaps, after thursday, i will lay down my pen, and pick up the sword.

2005-04-03T18:17:00.000+08:00

life hasn't been too bad afterall. but still my nights have been plagued with nightmares of sorts.

wanna wish you all the best...

2005-04-02T00:32:00.000+08:00

april's fool. took me quite a bit to digest those two words, as i slowly but surely assimilated it into comprehensive terms, repeating it over at a retarded speed. and then i ponder the origin of these 2 words... this is the day of jokes that werent meant to be, and pranks galore, which were sadly, intended as such. what canst befall the unfortunate victim on this day?

what is proclaimed love on april fool's day?
-scratches head-

maybe, just maybe, take a pinch, or two, of salt.

2005-03-28T15:48:00.000+08:00

the days crawl by. at least i felt they did.

and with only a couple of days more before i dorn the starchy green outfit with the equally spunky hairstyle, my mind reaches a blur. sadly enough, it takes me fewer and fewer fingers to count the remaining days of civilian life, one brimming with distinctly vibrant boredom. i marvel at this lifestyle which i've adorned for the past few months, and it reeks of degrading physique and diminishing resolve to get moving again. a shake of the head, a depressed sigh and a guilty roll of the eyes. and i wonder, when exactly was my last p.e. lesson? the days of skiving off to the squash courts with a few other goons admist maths lectures quickly surface in my memory, and the vivid scenes of volleyball rallies bring back many smiles to say the least. i remember the audacious run around 6th avenue with pals fiona and nico, and oh yes, the insanely many many times i walked back the metophoric 8-mile home. so give and take a few more push ups, creative punishments, and vulgarities-spewing sergeants, a new life awaits in 13 days time.

and as disillusioning as it may sound, *pause*, life's like that.

2005-03-27T19:01:00.000+08:00

heys. hmm i just called to talk to you about some stuff. well you know how life is, with its ups and downs and rollercoaster emotions. things have a nasty way of taking a turn for the unexpected, and sometimes surprises lie in wait for all of us, its hard to see what's heading your way. of course there are good surprises and bad ones, we win some and we lose some, just part and parcel of life. you know, i've been thinking about these things and i realised that friends are really important. they mould a major part of our character, and the footprints they leave behind somehow never get blown away by the chronological winds of time. good friendships have a lifetime guarantee and i guess you can always depend on a close friend in times of need. well a friend in need is a friend indeed ya? hehs i'm pretty happy with my lot now, and kinda contented. and even as an astute tenant always reads the small print, i like to take note of the nitty gritty things in life, because these minute details sometimes weight so much in importance. so all i called to say is that..

erm i gotta go, talk to you another time k!

*phone goes dead*

... that actually i do like you alot.

2005-03-27T13:55:00.000+08:00

Can't seem to think of anything that is a more waste of time... 2 years of our precious lives...
Come on... positive thinking!!! I need counselling =X

2005-03-26T03:10:00.000+08:00

and with a little luck, he'd post again. =)

2005-03-22T23:03:00.000+08:00

yesterday was counselling session 3.

and so i sat on the couch. brown couch. cushioned. 4 legs. nicely supported. good hinges. soft. comfortable. good workmanship.

and then i fell when the doctor came in. it was painful, pride pricked hard. but i picked myself up alright n we casually exchanged pleasantries. so she started her normal routine, asking how are me's, how am i feeling's. and i just replied her normally. but a surge of anger rose up within me. i tried to subdue it but i lashed out all the same like a pent up volcano waiting to erupt. and bam. she bore the front of my anger. guilt entailed.

and then i fell again. again she asked the normal questions. but i didnt reply. i didnt scold her though. it was tough replying. why? the words just couldnt leave my mouth. it was like stammering, when in a classroom brimming with high tension and fixated gazes. and the teacher calls u, to answer. the teacher is a no-tolerance one, strict beyond any student's imagination. n u dun really noe the answer. that kinda stammering. the answer just wont come out. even tho i had the answers.. at the back of my tongue. i so badly wanted to just say the answers. but either i was being cautious. or i just couldnt say it out.

3rd time i fell. she asked normal questions. i replied. n i answered beautifully. elegant long answers. flowing sentences with perfect word structure. as though i had thought thru the answer a long time and merely regurgitated. and i would keep on elaborating my reply till she prompted me on to the next question. but soon, she stopped prompting me. and i suddenly realised that it was tough to reply anything. there were no more answers. no more beautiful sentences. no more perfect phrases. no more lovely quotes. my eyes searched for help but she wouldnt say anymore.

the day i fell at the doctor's.

2005-03-19T00:06:00.000+08:00

what a week it has been! and only halfway thru it. (weekends are half the week)

ok lets summarize. -tinks-

monday. a wonderful opening to the week. met up with pals xiang, shian, yin, am for lunch. nice to see everyone again. we had afternoon tea at wheelock's nydc too! ahh, nothing beats a lovely mug of E=mc2 to make up for the months of intellectual dormency. later me n xiang wenta repair his fone cos his keypad apparently subscribes to the fact that it is a good servant and a bad master. it kinda doesnt type out anything when pressed. well we wenta play punch pool after that, not for money but for pride =DD its normally 50-50 between us.. hasta be some inexplicable reasoning behind that, cos its always the case. later on met up with jas and fio for our weekly monday night dinner and we ate at macs outside plaza sing. a hearty chat me maties! good for the soul cos we talk about anything and everything, pouring our hearts out. gee, will miss these outings when in 3 weeks time.. *gulp*

tuesday. spent the day at home and subjected my eyes to the wear and tear of the computer. and they say technology helps. =P hmms nothing unique save for the msn chats at night when people come on. *grin* oh yes! of late, (F) on msn happens to have gained currency, and i have yet to understand the controversy between choosing hardcopy and softcopy. 'nuff said. =)

wednesday. met up with 14 of my primary sch pals at glass house fish n co. oh man wat a crazy time we had there. under my incitement, jon went to ask the waitress for her hp number for mark's sake. she said no. cos she was working so she asked for mark's hp number instead! he was reluctant x 100, but someone else sabohed him n gave. so there.. lol. but she sure was pretty. we went dota-ing after that at paradiz, and met 7b shanyong there! omg dota pro!! well we played from 1030 to 1145 intially. and geoffrey was so hyped up after using sand king he wanted another game. and we all know that a dota game lasts at least an hour long. fantastic. so we whacked TWO more games till 1+ am, and stood foolishly outside 7-11 discussing our modes of transport home. n when i finally reached home, i went online till 4. *sheepish*

thursday. merry men from s33 came over to me humble abode to stay. pals hum, xiang, fio, shian came over and we MISSED the first 15 minutes of chase. *shakes head, wallowing in self guilt* well this was bcos i met hum, fio, and shian first, then we ate zhi char at bukit timah market. den after buying drinks at shell kiosk, we realised, to horrors of horrors, or rather mostly to fio's horror, ok maybe mine too =X, that we had about 3-4 minutes to chase starting. nice. panic struck! cabbed back to my place desperately, and had a delightful conversation with a bilingual talkative cabbie driver, which i could engage successfully half the time. =X the gals didnt stayover, so the 3 goons remaining took to watching love actually thruout the night and eating ice cream, of which hum succumbed to fatique like 45 mins into the show and visited zzz-land. wasted right! he missed the 'what i want for Christmas' song, but i watched it for your sake, am. *grin* well we slept at like 3 den woke at 6 cos hum didnt wanna awol from his work. ohh the desperate pleas and enticing chants of slumber me and xiang put forth to hum to make him take leave. but his resolve to play his part for SAF was undiminished by our alluring words! and with that, we dragged ourselves outta the house...

friday. after sending the 2 off, i returned (immediately) to my slumber. and awoke at 12-ish. head was slightly spinning, akin to the time i downed the virgin glass of vodka in noob-like fashion. positively intense, yet passing. went into couch potatoe mode for bulk of the day, and haf been online till now. ahh msn, let your fingers do the talking, literally. a nice smile to myself, with blissful thoughts of being carefree running through my mind, for now.

life after retirement.. should be like this.

2005-03-16T13:08:00.000+08:00

the early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

chew on it. =)

2005-03-13T17:03:00.000+08:00

these are my reflections.

Age, mankind's inborn characteristic. ok the wierd thing is youth wanna look old and vice versa. oh, how people try to turn back the hands of time, or for that matter, try to look more chronologically gifted. which is of course, impossible to do so. but we all resolve in our hearts that 'impossible is nothing', dont we? and as such, for those that try to, either find out the hard way that time waits for no man.. or are just poor fashion statements with tampered faces. i still recall the good old days of youthful erm.. innocence back in my secondary school, with an entire bunch of like-minded goons.. playing soccer in class and thus breaking fire extinguishers, which happen to cost 70 bucks, to my wallet's dismay. oh i also realised that these extinguishers are quite value for money, they happen to store quite alotta white fast-hardening powder which can dirty the classroom floor in a short period of time. well they say that u learn new things in school everyday. i guess its true. *grinx*

Blessings, disguised calamities or whatnot. ns will be a blessing if you maintain an ingrained postitive attitude, and i guess there're not many other places that offer free food, pay, lodging, a tan, daily exercise, and a wealth of experience on a compulsory basis. so give and take (alot), it is a blessing. and with that, the disillusioned partners will be halved in manpower effectively, or at least for the next two weeks. dam i hate to sound gay, but will miss nic to an extent. and with a sinister smile, we will be awaiting his madeover hair, or whats left of it =D the everyday msn chats till unearthly hours, yes we do talk through the night till about 5am.. when the sun starts to peek through the gloomy dark night sky.. but its during these insane hours that nic does show a totally different side to himself! its true! stay up late on msn next time! he does get a little tipsy on fatique at times and rants on about.. silly stuff, which i quietly note down and bastardize for future blackmail =D

Class, my class. 25 professionals, be it slack or what have you. the nice thing is everyone has a story revolving around them, and as such its so easy to train THE arctic on someone. er hum. er hem. this week saw a fresh bout of outings and gatherings. we met up quite abit this week, since the ns passing out for the jan intake peeps was underway. thursday saw me at work with pals fiona and nic. yes we counted vehicles at a cross junction. it was all high octane entertainment, and we got enough data to do our very own statistics question and sufficient carbon monoxide to circulate our lungs *beams* but it was all very enjoyable, except i missed the first 20 minutes of chase cos we dismissed at 8+. and that is an unforgivable crime~. nooooo... back to the point, friendship transcends boundaries of a depicted group and i have yet to thank a few other pals for their relentless support and friendship or for just being there, like jas, kelvin, drizzle, angel.. it was nice talking to everyone again. *smiles*

and thats how life is. simple as ABC.

2005-03-12T01:26:00.000+08:00

i shall compromise and write a short entry.

thanks everybody for the encouragement and advice.
as for my will (as suggested by hum), i'll leave everything to MYSELF!! even if i die, i'll bring everything down or up with me =X

anyway, see you all in 2 weeks (nia~). goodnight. ZzZzZz

2005-03-06T23:32:00.000+08:00

*dungeons and crap*

and so he started...

ohhh... what is left in this world...
there can only be one outcome!
but would the warrior take to the task?!
it seems daunting and the path makes him weary
but his weather beaten face stands tall
in the face of danger he smiles
in the breath of monsters he smirks
there is no danger
he ascends slowly but surely
the willpower to succeed is so great
he cannot afford to slip up any point along the way
with the great sword in his hand and with his arcane powers
he descends a blast of fiery magic!
a whirl of his great sword and thousands fall
but what canst break his faint heart
ahh none the less but the fair maiden

but alas! the maiden has been brainwashed!
the seed of evil slowly maturing in her heart
she is defecting to the evil side!
there exist none like the heinous crimes she hath committed
during charity drives raised for the poor
she took a portion of the cash raised...
it was a hidden act but heinous all the same...
ahhh the seed of evil slowly gave birth
and now it was a full blown facade of treachery and evil
all splayed out within maiden's upright personality
the clash of both alter egos
caused her to falter between good and evil
there had to be someone who could save her!
there arose this warrior!
who hailed from a miniscule village
it was on the outskirts of the rain town
he grew strong and mighty
trained through mundane physical tasks
he took to swordplay
and his sword skills soon attained new levels which were beyond comparison
goondasami, his magic teacher, also guided him through months of intense preparation
and his arcane powers were well refined and polished
to the extent whereby he needed a mere incantation
to bring a bolt of lightning down from the sky
it was a magical moment for the pugilistic society
and only through the righteous upbringing of the warrior cum paladin
could she be rescued and the two be reunited
so they battle! en garde!
the warrior started off simple
he sat down and started to sleep
ohh the slumber tactic worked well
looks like the training he refined over the months had paid off
the demoness totally stunned by this act of slackerdity
was caught unawares!
the paladin immediately revived himself from stasis and took his great sword!
and with a mighty thrust he thrust it into her fine body
ahhh, the scream!
the demoness, with a final yelp, breathed her last
was that to be the end of the good and evil maiden?!?!

oh no.
with that last thrust, the maiden fell
and the evil was slowly being purged from her frail body
the evil slowly seeped out, leaving only goodness in her body
she was becoming of good stature once again!
she slowly stood up. no blood. no gore.
it was erected by her will to stand up
and as such the paladin and the special character stood face to face
the paladin looked into the face of the maiden
ohh the sheer beauty took him off his feet
he dropped his great sword to the ground
with a thunderous clang sounding through the air
the two gazed into each other's faces
and the paladin exclaimed!
the sheer beauty!! he couldn't believe his eyes!
and the fair maiden took the paladin's hand
and placed it upon her own.
they lived happily ever after.

2005-03-02T19:19:00.000+08:00

something more for you to think about~~

A man walks up to you and says - "everything I say to you is the truth." Is he telling you the truth or is he lying?

all in an effort to keep FRIDAY out of our minds =)

2005-03-02T16:47:00.000+08:00

and so it boils down, to that little slip of paper we're gonna take on friday. so much said in so little. short but sweet, direct yet deadly. a tentative sigh, a nonchalent roll of the eyes, an excited gasp, ahh the various expressions pertaining to the 4th of march 2005, to an extent, deserve a soft sympathetic chuckle.. all unexpected yet expected. well the day has passed with hearts, or at least mine, all beating at accelerated rates, for the more i try not to think about it the more i do. and then i wonder when i last had such a heavy dosage of adrenaline. my memory takes me back to the last day of the A's, oh.. the comforting relief of that afternoon wafting in the air, teasing our senses, playing itself countless times over in our heads, as we sat through that gruelling one hour physics design through stormy rainy weather with resounding thunder as musical accompaniment, awaiting the official closure of junior college life, and such was a finale of grandeur and splendour. i admit, i never looked at my watch so many times in a single sitting before. and the mere look of joy on everyone's faces after that, the smiles and laughter, constituate a big part of life's intangible and priceless assets. i dare not speak further about this friday, for things have a way of turning out unexpected, be it for better or for worse. as yin would proclaim 'just try to enjoy these few days ba!' try =) here's something for you to think about. be safe~

A man walks up to you and says - "everything I say to you is a lie." Is he telling you the truth or is he lying?

2005-03-01T03:39:00.000+08:00

thank you everybody.

2005-03-01T03:34:00.000+08:00

Weather remains excruciatingly vital as many days are torrid from lack of precipitation. As we proceed with continual neglect towards maintaining our surrounding ecological assets, there will arise a need to maintain a distinct schedule for caring for our physical environment, but due to a shortage of financial support, many residents can barely lift a finger to aid in the fight to reduce biological damage. Fire can be started with a careless and inconsiderate action, so people will have to be receptive to addressing the issues involving negligience of environmental safety. Therefore, we undertake several tasks to fulfill the pledge that many have subscribed to. For example, numerous groups and people involved in this project have come to a conclusion to resolve this pertaining issue, and decided to put aside all differences to work towards a better and more prospectful land. In conclusion, fire is a dangerous tool when irresponsibly and carelessly utilised, as experiences have shown. The outcome awaits you. The end.

nico angelix

this is one of our more creative works. we practically created a test for colour-blindness. yupz, can you see the number 69 in there? only goes to show bored we were. and i have to apologise for generous usage of prepositions =X

2005-02-26T03:12:00.000+08:00

well people do say the only constant thing in life is change. the status quo must be scrutinized, analysed and modified for improvement! or so they say. apparently the partners in crime at disillusionx begged to differ! we loved the norm and its simplicity. take nothing away, for we carried a torch for the orangey colour! there existed an undescribable quality of this colour of the rainbow that appealed to us, and the simplicity bore such a sincere tone that none could surpass, we couldnt bear to change it!~ ok. honesty prevails above all things and i fear for my nose. we loved to slack. so change we could, and change we should. thus fellow crimesmate nic got to work one night, and suddenly miracles took place! to nutshell the story he gives the blog an extreme makeover overnight and tada~ nice bluish hue =) ten zillions of accolades on him, for technologically handicapped me has a more or less poisson-modelled chance of repeating a feat as such. grant me no clemency for my computering incompetence. but i know how to pwn at minesweeper. =) cheers!

angelix.

thank you very much. i'm indeed very honoured to be here tonight to share this wonderful moment with all of you. now, what can i say? angelix just snatched all my words, leaving me short (pun intended for someone else). fortunately, i came prepared. *takes out a piece of paper from breast-pocket* yes, i want to thank my family for gracefully allowing me to hog the computer, angelix for the encouragement and his drive, blogskins.com for the inspiration and everyone who helped in one way or another. so good night and thank you once more. hope to see you all again.

nico. *oscars fever*

2005-02-26T02:18:00.000+08:00

i've been planning my daily schedule with the newspaper tv guide lately and i came across this little snippet one day~~

move aside jay leno... run away oprah winfrey...
introducing the all-new talkshow - late nights with jay nick

this crazy talkshow is on air for 5 to 6 hours a day depending on the physical conditions of the hosts and has been running for nearly a week. it is easily one of the lengthiest shows around. chat topics include everything under the sun - love and relationships, scandals, confessions, games, real-life accounts and stories. dun miss this incredible show at 10pm on channel US.

gosh, i certainly wouldn't want to miss it~~

ok...i admit i'm a little mad at times.

2005-02-22T00:47:00.000+08:00

one finnnneeee evening... as many fine legends begin with, the 3 musketeers gathered after weeks of separation. they seeked a reunion of sorts to tell and retell their expeditions of many, marred by their unique encounters, forged by an adventurous spirit. the party would be accompanied by 2 fair maidens, (an act which by some force majeur, has gained currency lately), to visit their long lost comrades. it was to be a grand affair, save for the uncanny 'punctuality' of two thirds of the trio, it was otherwise a rather pleasant evening. they arrived nonetheless, but alas, the banquet had already come to a close! there lay not a morsel left to chance upon, but in times of need, you can always count on the brotherly ties between the party and their younger tribemates =) a meticulously prepared concoction of what-have-you ice cream, vegetable (cabbage..?), chilli sauce, pepper, salt, a mushroom (where did this come from?!), tomato ketchup and other extreme-gourmet inspired ingredients constituated the bulk of a food offering. well, good gestures and sincerity aside, we hastily declined, for transcient thoughts of days following seoul garden eat-outs vividly flashed across our minds. and so the 5 decided on a fast meal, whilst sharing their tales of destiny... there existed some missing camaraderie lingering in the atmosphere, since there were some knights missing from the s33 round table, but nonetheless, laughter plagued the air frequently, commanding frequent glares from the other patrons in the erm.. tavern. feelings of nostalgia rekindled, stories of varying content were quickly exchanged between mouthfuls. it was reminiscent of the good old schooling days. =) alas, even in the days of bow and arrow, time's overgrown wings work overtime when we've having fun and it was all too soon that we had to part ways, reluctantly. a plan to gather again next week was quickly conceived, and as such a part 2 lies in wait...

jts at swensens rocked. =)

2005-02-19T02:43:00.000+08:00

quick definitions hum-style:

disillusion (noun):
the act or process of freeing from an illusion, or the state of being freed therefrom.

the mystery of love shouldn't bother us for we are disillusionxd :)

2005-02-16T16:42:00.000+08:00

Appreciative, precious, rare like gold
hard to get and hard to hold
could she be, i can only surmise
a butterfly in perfect disguise?

if i had wings
i would take to the sky
how wonderful it would be
to glide with that butterfly~

only i never observed such another butterfly.

I do believe in angels,
The ones that bring much care and love
and when she came along
I knew i had a gift from up above.

she started with a simple smile
wind blowing her soft gentle hair
i was shocked, taken aback!
how could it be, someone so fair?

only i never had such another dream.

graceful as a swan, she glides across
lightfooted, as natural as ever
eyes fixated, to say the least
just who could bring about this sweet savour?

time flies when you're mesmorized
the melody slowly fades away
you take your final pose
much applause already underway

only i never saw yet another dancer.

enter her.
bah, just another face, a passing fad
but wait look again
lest u regret, and start to feel sad

so there she stood
mind plagued by such familiarity
and then it dawned on me
she was not one, but three.

only i never met her.. earlier.

-to a long time friend, drizzle-

2005-02-14T20:42:00.000+08:00

courage is half the battle won. and with that age-old maxim in mind, my thumbs sent the sms. =)

2005-02-12T22:02:00.000+08:00

love, the double edged sword. brimming with vibrance, yet insipid in character. what drives love, in its entire gamut of situations? unparalleled determination and vigour? money? or simply true affection? when poised against a chance to love, is it best to follow the dictates of common sense and commit? it is hard to eschew questions of such content, cuz by and large we all have experienced some extent of love. take time to ponder. some people, marred helplessly by this shower of affection, pertain in a state of insouciance, displaying their nonchalence towards anything save their world of two. is it a disease? alas, if so, ppl choose to fall sick.

enough.

on a lighter note, my partner in crime has fled overseas! nic has jumped ship to embrace leisure with outstretched arms and will only be back sometime next week, leaving me to hold the fort. eh hem. probably sipping ice cool lemon tea, under the sweltering heat of the sun, with two ladies in his arms right now *grinx* well, i wonder what has befallen my dearest classmates. how art thou, oh league of extraordinary gentle(wo)men?? we await the next gathering, yup, we and our merry men =)

all i want for Christmas is you.. and you.. and you...

2005-01-31T14:15:00.000+08:00

yet another day of my life crept by, and yet another day i felt myself degrading into a pusillanimous potato. a purveyor of procrastination. of a prosaic profile. i would say its akin to a slow decomposing process, and i had front row seats to watching myself rot away. talk about armchair critics.. literally... any the ways, with unprecedented levels of resolve and unparalleled detemination, alright alright since honesty prevails, when push comes to shove, lest i inaugurate a new era in human decomposition research, i decided to work. yes. take up a job~ much credit to yin for her sarcastic yet inspirational smses to get me moving! and jy for the other job offer! last but not least shian for her introduction to my working place! well me working place is hui lau shan beside international building along orchard so the human traffic is pretty good for business, and we get around 3 peak hours a day, whereby every1 is sooo bz i dun tink u can afford to stand still for half a minute! hehz we sell everything mangoish here, we do sell other fruit desserts, but the mango here is apparently too good to be true so u should try G5, B8 or A8, sell like hotcakess =D ok enough. wats this? a medium for advertising? *grinx* well the clientele is HUGELY varied, i've seen yuppies, tourists, ang mohs, lesbians, gays, teens, oldies, nsmen, students, and celebrities. hmmz so far i've seen patricia mok, beatrice chia, chen hanwei and 周崇庆 during my 3 day stint~~ and i served them all!!!!!! but they dun recognise mee =X but i must say they handle the popularity status really well, with all the glaring stares, pointed index fingers and noisy whispering when ppl realise they are in da house! and the shi fu who prepares the dessert is from hongkong so he speaks only cantonese.. and a decoding system, i say, has to implemented for linguistically challenged ppl. like... me. =P oh ya, he likes to blast cantopop over the radio too.. and i can easily rattle off a few canto songs in my mental playlist.. i think he's got like only 1 cd.. so i can hear the same songs up to 4-5 times a day... tts seriously.. brainwashing =X hehz tts about it.. gonna rest my legs.. 10 hours in vertical transition a day from 3 to 1am smacks of fatique. pwns me thoroughly~~

b4 i leave, here's a panacea for boredom~

how quickly can you find out what is so unusual about this paragraph? it looks so ordinary that you would think that nothing is wrong with it at all, and, in fact, nothing is. but it is unusual. why? if you study it and think about it, you may find out, but i am not going to assist you in any way. you must do it without coaching. no doubt, if you work at it for long, it will dawn on you. who knows? go to work and try your skill. par is about half an hour. =)

alright.. sleep beckons. waiter jon, signing off.

2005-01-27T18:03:00.000+08:00

"Lonely Girl" - Jon B.

So he started out takin' you out
Doin' what any man would do
Sayin' any and everything to just get with you
I can't say I blame him for a girl as fine as you

So he played you out, ain't no doubt
He was runnin' game on you
After all the fun he was through with you
Any way that it goes down girl, he's the one that's gonna lose

Don't cry lonely girl
If you need somebody girl
I know you feel deserted
And you can't find your way back home

It was hard enough, growing up
Being as beautiful as you
Trying to save your love for the one that's true
It's not always so easy to know what's right to do

It's your first mistake, you can't make
Make someone be down with you
Why do you even take the time out to call that fool
When you know deep in your heart that he don't care 'bout you

2005-01-13T17:40:00.000+08:00

couldn't stop laughing when i read this... sounded like an article from talkingcock.com. taken from sk's blog:

Raffles JC to warn students against 'taupok'
Source: The Straits Times (12 Jan 2005, Wednesday)

RIBS may be fractured, arms or legs broken, or ligaments torn.

But 'taupok', in which students gang up to pile onto one of their brethren, is common in schools here, though principals say they neither condone nor encourage it.

The prank starts when one student signals five to 10 others to pile on top of a targeted friend - flattening him like a piece of 'taupok', or compressed brown tofu.

Students say it is spontaneous, and targeted at boys who are good friends.

But what seems to be a game is a cause of concern for some parents.

Mr Justin Situ, the parent of a first-year student at a 'premier junior college in the Bishan-Ang Mo Kio area', wrote in to The Straits Times Forum pages yesterday highlighting the dangers of the activity.

His wife, Mrs Situ, told The Straits Times yesterday: 'These boys aren't trained to cushion the weight. What happens if someone gets seriously injured?'

At Raffles Junior College (RJC), students will be cautioned at today's morning assembly that 'taupok' may cause injuries.

Principal Winston Hodge said it was not an approved activity or part of the orientation programme. A parent had complained recently, and a teacher had to break up a 'taupok' on two occasions, he said.

In a statement, the Education Ministry said that the incident referred to in the Forum letter was 'not an approved activity' and the 'principal will take appropriate steps to advise students against such activities'.

Students, however, feel there is nothing wrong. An RJC student, who asked to remain unnamed, said it was a 'tradition in many premier schools' and 'activities like rugby and soccer were more dangerous'.

National Junior College student Chua Yu-Xi, 18, said: 'It happened in secondary school, but by junior college we grew out of it. We back off if we see the bottom person is in pain.'

But it can be dangerous for those at the top as well as at the bottom of the pile.

Said Dr Lim Lian Arn, consultant orthopaedic surgeon at Raffles Hospital: 'Depending on what position they are in, the people at the bottom or even in between can suffer rib fractures, limb fractures, asphyxiation, and tear a ligament, among other things.

'Those at the top have an added risk of falling and suffering additional injuries.'
Students don't seem to be daunted by this.

Said Mark Chen, 18, an RJC student: 'I've been 'taupok-ed' before and it's actually quite fun. It's usually not painful because everyone piles on quickly and gets off just as fast.'

--------------------------------------------

Put an end to this dangerous JC 'game'
Source: The Straits Times (11 Jan 2005, Tuesday) --> the letter to ST Forum

I AM a parent of a boy studying in a premier junior college in the Bishan-Ang Mo Kio area. Recently, it has come to my attention that rowdy behaviour is threatening to compromise the safety of the students.

According to my son, the violent act is dubbed 'taupok', a reference to a highly compressible piece of brown beancurd. A student would shout 'taupok' and other students would pounce on the targeted person, drag him down forcefully and climb on top of him. Due to peer pressure, more and more students would join in until the stack of bodies is about a metre high.

This violent act is supposedly done in the name of fun but, as a parent, I feel that it is potentially dangerous and even life-threatening.

Furthermore, the 'taupoking' is not a rare occurrence. It can happen up to five times a day, anywhere and to any person.

During the orientation programme for Year One students, even a person standing on the stage during a performance could get 'taupoked'.

Supposing that an average person weighs 60kg, a typical group of 15 would weigh almost a tonne. Just as a person cannot survive without air for three minutes, I am very sure that the human backbone cannot bear the sheer weight of a thousand kilograms.

What happens if the victim's spine breaks? Or if he sustains any other injuries? Who will bear the consequences?

Fortunately, my son has not been a victim of 'taupoking' yet, but he still feels rather uncomfortable about this dangerous act. Also, he feels obliged to join in due to peer pressure, as everyone else is doing it.

Some would say that 'taupoking' is perfectly safe if one assumes the correct position, with one's elbows and forearms touching the floor so as to support the weight, like in rugby. However, not everyone knows the correct position to take, and when surprised one might also forget to assume that position.

I write this letter in the sincere hope of preventing a tragedy. Hopefully, we can keep 'taupok' where it belongs - in that delicious bowl of noodles.

Justin Situ Ren Jun

2005-01-10T21:59:00.000+08:00

yea, issues of environmental concern befall us. the lurid details continue to fester, plaguing newspaper front pages with lugubrious content. almost nobody expected a receding shoreline to herald a devastating tsunami. the 1st wave comes and goes. and the 2nd emerges. a wave of love, a concerted effort of compassion and fraternal feelings. may the 2nd be more impactful than the 1st.

on a lighter note, singapore beat indonesia 3-1 in the first leg of the tiger cup!!! talk about bottles filled with urine, lighters and corncobs as projectiles.. and tt means a 2 goal advantage in the 2nd leg, but still, lets not get complacent, shall we? =) 90 mins away from tiger cup glory, all de best~~

the dawn of the new year marks the start of a new phase of life. i confess i never took a liking to change, yet in life the only constant thing is change. i wonder where everyone in me class would be in a few months time, perhaps in a couple of years time we could meet to catch up, and wax lyrical about junyi's accomplishments, qingyu's sotongness, hum's lacking-thereof, amelia's shrills, and even richard's .. richardness. everyone. i miss, i'll miss.

Friends are like credit cards,
we need them forever...

2005-01-05T13:32:00.000+08:00

first, a minute of silence for the victims of the tsunami... (no, that's cheating!!)

time flies. in a blink of the eye, everything seems over... everything's lost. i feel a void (as i often do), losing goals in life (i wouldn't say i achieved them).

these couple of months will be hard to bare; a challenge to the heart, mind and soul. i could turn out an emotionless eating machine or maybe a fully-permeable couch potato... haha... who knows? but still, every cloud has a silver lining (i really wanted to use 'there's always a rainbow after the rain' or 'just as the sun comes after rain so will joy come after pain' or something along that line...but erm... managed to control this urge...lol). i would have attained nirvana.

2004-11-21T18:57:00.000+08:00

woah. attack of the relationship experts. somehow we're able to regurgitate all that we know about love and relationships but it has been challenging to apply them. zhanz... are you trying to advise jon or kill him?? (see comments) i've been trying to let the blog display the number of comments for each entry but to no avail.

anyway, the radio.blog is down temporarily. the host decided to keep file size at a max of 500kb, so i've been searching for another free host. please recommend.

hmm... sent to me by yunghei...

2004-11-19T22:33:00.000+08:00

why are break-ups painful?

have you ever thought about it?

a break up brings an end to a relationship, be it a fledgling romance, or a painstakingly moulded amour. it is akin to, let's say, an oscillating system that is critically damped. it nips the problem(s) in the bud, right there and then. no more unhappiness, no more bickering. effective? perhaps. what matters, at least, is that the two parties just cease the intra-conflict, and are able to start afresh instead of settling for a lifetime of unhappiness, or rather, attempted happiness.

the immediate loss of a loved one from a breakup is nonetheless, excruciating. the age-old cliches 'my world has crumbled', 'its the end'... i need not elaborate. there could exist a thought of suicide, and surely, there is no yardstick for the depth of this melancholy. then again, relationships, to all extents, require investments to keep it going. the intangible things like time and effort seem to have gone down the drain. even more so, how about the love that has been devoted? in my opinion, there is no amicable break up. if people say they parted amicably, either they haven't truly cherished the relationship, or they haven't treated it seriously enough. on a more practical note, i guess people feel sad because of the lightness with which the relationship has been taken. after all, a relationship requires mutual trust and understanding. i believe, in all honesty, that this promise is made with the intention to carry on the relationship to eternity, or at least as much of it as can be had in a lifetime, and to breakup would be analogous to conceding that we were liars to begin with and should never had made that promise. so are we liars?

are relationships merely expandable friendships?

Perhaps, breakups are perceived as nothing more than a convenience in the eyes to many...

2004-11-12T23:04:00.000+08:00

the previous entry looked like a prima facie virus attack. what's with the jap characters?? (oh sh**, i sound like florence ah lian...) not like anybody understands them anyway.
and (yes, i know, bad grammer... but gp is over and lim ah is not reading this. never.) is the quote for me or you? i'm a victim ok! talk about irony...

rant aside, let's talk some serious stuff. after weeks of mugging cum swimming sessions, i made a couple of discoveries. no, this has nothing to do with my weight.

zhanz shows signs of hermaphroditism... maybe a sequential hermaphrodite. cool...

"All Day Long I Dream About Sex" by JC Chasez (one of the nsync guys)
this is an irritating song... but hey, it's popular! (see radio.blog)

by the way, i'm not the protagonist of the song.

2004-11-12T13:04:00.000+08:00

so here i am, after more than 2 weeks of hibernation, trying to think of something to write. i'll start with the irony... let me see...

quote of the day : "Verbose quotes that are heaving with grandiloquent vocabulary rapidly breed repugnance." -winkz-

i would agree. stress is.. omg for a moment there my mind lapsed into le chatelier's crap... i guess it has pretty insidious effects? people become truculent? on the flip side of the coin, it is after all, a driving force to an extent.. but oh well.. 2 weeks from now.. the palpable sense of relief.. haha relish in it =)

すべての私の友人に、最もよいのすべて今あきらめないし、!

2004-11-11T18:14:00.000+08:00

A: please update your blog lah... can't wait for the MTVs to go... they're lagging my com!
Me: eh...ok...

so here i am, after more than 2 weeks of dormancy, trying to think of something to write. i'll start with the corny... let me see...

quote of the day: "your oratorical sonorities are too pleonastic to be expeditiously assimilated."

site of the day: http://dictionary.reference.com/ (useful huh?)

joke of the day: you... of course! ha...

I guess it's the post-paper, pre-paper, "stuck in the middle" stress :p

2004-10-20T00:48:00.000+08:00

okay... this is to satisfy the voyeur and sadist in you. i know this is rather late but you all know i succumb to procrastination too easily.

the class dinner on friday was almost ...erm.. suicidal. i was conveniently sandwiched between rudy lee and richard, and it doesn't pay to be overly enthusiastic. the chat with rudy revolved around university, ambition, etc. not unexpected. however, he went off tangent to the friendly chat and commented that i should be more proactive in arranging for consultations - very much like the conversion we had earlier in the day (eg. when receiving my result slip). just when i thought the worst was over, and that i could take a well-deserved rest, richard attacked from the "other side"... (you can stop laughing already). at least i could confide in the extra healthy food!

and of course, who can forget the phallic sculpture at the esplanade foyer and how rich suggested i sit on it. ahem. i shan't elaborate for the benefit of the underaged. coincidentally, i was placed beside richard again by the river. yes, jon had much fun, but he didn't leave unscathed either. guess rich was the ultimate winner.

2004-10-19T10:20:00.000+08:00

the gurlsa re complex. a unique personality which is unknown to an astonishing, or rather, astonished half of this world. yet as much as we try to comprehend this profound side.. we.. we.. just cant. perhaps it'd just etch itself into our memories as just an unbreechable.. thing. we might.. understand in the future.. but now, at present, not a chance. i guess...

on inherent assumptions, it is accurate. *waits for liqian to start laughing first*

haha i was lazily browsing through google.. you know.. one of those languid days where time just crawls... and guess what i found... -grinz-

nic: an organization responsible for supplying information for component networks that comprise the Internet.

haha.. until i saw what was next...

jonathan: red late-ripening apple; primarily eaten raw

oh yes. end of daze. approaching soon. (all puns intended). =D

2004-10-19T05:17:00.000+08:00

Since MTVs are so hot now, here's another :)
And who can forget this MTV... (paiseh, the two vids run simultaneously)

"Day" by Kim Bum Soo

2004-10-19T01:10:00.000+08:00

for the boring and the bored (extremely helpful for gp?):
http://www.molloy.edu/academic/philosophy/sophia/topics/phiedu/Whitehead.htm

the guys should try this (and try not to lie):
http://www.theferrett.com/purity/

2004-10-18T01:08:00.000+08:00

"Because I'm A Girl" MTV by Kiss...
Beware: It's a huge file! Not for the impatient-hearted :)

2004-10-14T23:37:00.000+08:00

today's sgidol sucked! everybody literally stoned at the disco dance floor while i nearly fell asleep in the comfort of the sofa. i wonder why i'm still such an ardent fan; perhaps mocking some of the idol hopefuls for their impotence is enjoyable afterall. in fact, at one point, i actually lowered my expectations to having admit jasmine trias was good :) fortunately, i was jerked back to my senses by an unforgiving article in Life to realise the american idols are just amateurish. what a sad life.

and hum, wives are traditionally supposed to follow their husbands. so, stop the booing.

2004-10-13T13:36:00.000+08:00

i was listening to 斷了的弦 , its such a nice song.. haha and it seems to let my repeat button work overtime -grinz- i guess i can somewhat relate to it, but i was pretty nonchalent when listening to it.. has time healed all wounds..?

cip's histrionic antics seem to very uncalled-for. it verges on the farcical.. and no one seems to buy it. his sudden outbursts of dynamics are certainly very harrowing, and always seem to raise a few eyebrows. upon (concerned) probing, he appears to be lackadaisical and lugubrious, but i tend to pass it off as a mere front...? i'm not sure, he seems to have changed a lot, or has he..? i know its bad to talk like this, but sometimes he toes the line.. abit too much, and abit too often. his words have a ludricious bearing to it and there lies a certain air of deception around him, which no one can read into nor comprehend. i guess sometimes a pinch of humility would do him good.

HUM COMPLETED TONTIE!!! i knew there was an aimbot somewhere... =D

the reply came 34 hours 23 mins 7 seconds later. i am shocked.

'斷了的弦再彈一遍
我的世界你不在裡面'

2004-10-06T20:51:00.000+08:00

to that someone...

'i suppose i should wish you success. but that is too easy. i would like to wish you something that is harder to come by. so i am going to wish you meaning in life. and meaning is not something you stumble across like the answer to a riddle or the prize in a treasure hunt. meaning is something you build into your life. you build it out of your own past, out of your affections and loyalties, out of the experience of humankind as it is passed on to you; out of your own talent and understanding, out of things and people you love, out of the values of which you are willing to sacrifice something, the ingredients are there. you are the only one who can put them together into that unique pattern that will be your life. let it be a life that has dignity and meaning for you. if it does, then the particular balance of success or failure, is of less account.'

on a lighter note, tower def is intereesting. haha. it kinda makes you feel good to just attack, or defend, to that effect. needs a fair bit of technique, but still thoroughly entertaining.

i hate datelines. they give me pressure, and when pressure surmounts to an uncontrollable level, an unbreechable dimension, well lets just say i wont be the friendliest person around then. an unnecessary evil, but, oh well.

all this time you were pretending,
so much for my happy ending...

2004-09-30T22:21:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry.

2004-09-29T22:26:00.000+08:00

enlightening, indeed. today s33 had the lovely experience of receiving our gp compos back.. oh well. haha for a moment i seriously thought of stopping after that sentence. but i shall elaborate. -grinz-

apparently gp marker doesnt like the ranting on my paper. apparently the farcical nature of my output on the apathy of youths seems to turn gp marker off. like a switch. apparently my conjecture of creativity being reduced to an empty formalism doesnt appeal to gp marker. especially if its repeated twice. apparently gp marker thinks my essay is pure flatulence. apparently i should stop giving excuses for myself. end point.

so it seems my content is poor. and i seek improvement. i shall adhere to the reading of the gp bulletin for further refinement. to that effect, i've more or less condemned time tunnel.. i sure aint gonna do a history question for the finals. hmm i shant bother trying to flummox the teacher anymore, but through a 'range of examples', aptly quoted from the red ink on my paper. guess i'll hafta start soon or risk cutting it very fine. dun think a facile victory will surface this time.

was supposed to lan with lq and hum tml but through some force majeure, they have stuff on so i'll be sleeping late(r) again haha and training my gbound wand. furtively. =D hmm dunno why but i seem to be feeling kinda depressed lately, hopefully it'd pick up around late-week. haha the thought of not having to go sch the next 2 days sure helps. =) haiz many ppl's birthdays are round the corner.. her's too. nothing much to say. its no use flogging a dead horse.

our hero has fallen in battle...

2004-09-28T11:58:00.001+08:00

there once was a boy who felt no love,
his heart was taken and kept up above.
locked in a box,
he hadn't the key.
for around the neck it lay of old grampy.
"grampy, can I please have the key?"
begged the small boy.
"no, no,"
said grampy,
"it isn't a toy!"
the boy exclaimed,
"but I need my heart, I feel so hollow inside."
"i'm so sorry, my lad." and once again he was denied.
away the boy walked, unsure of how to feel.
without a heart, no emotion is real.
he had an idea, he knew at last how his heart could be regained.
he loved his grampy, at least he thought so.
without his heart, he would never know.
so, with just a small push,
grampy went into the flames cursing and screaming and calling him names.
quickly, grampy was engulfed in a sea of fire.
all that was left were some bones and a key.
at least his heart could be his once again.
he unlocked the box and removed it.
with a zip and a squish, all his feelings returned.
he realised the only person who loved him burned.
in the end, the boy sighed one last little moan,
he then keeled over sad and alone.

2004-09-27T21:08:00.000+08:00

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands
Standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings was gone
I gave my best to you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

I was here
You were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings was gone
Gotta get over you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

2004-08-17T23:13:00.000+08:00

Today's Special:

Bananas!!! (oei...16-4)
Ice cream!!! (rum & raisins, almond, coconut :p)
Scab, peeled skin, minced meat, brain served on pencil...

Yummy...

2004-08-08T01:06:00.000+08:00

hey... underwear borrowing isn't much better than tea drinking.
hilarious i would say... absolutely convincing. oh boy, you did it again.

just to clear things up :)

2004-08-08T00:47:00.000+08:00

class outing @ sentosa!
volleyball playing... arm bruising...
star watching...
eating... drinking... feeding (thanks shian)...
people dragging/throwing...
kayak flipping/climbing/balancing/carrying :)

water letting... hole poking (shan't elaborate, go ask hum)... hole digging...

water splashing... water drinking... rubbish collecting... stone throwing...
hair styling...
sand throwing... sand rubbing (muahahahaha!!)... sand removing (argh)...
freezing... more eating :)
bathing... toiletries sharing...
class tee wearing... skin caressing... picture taking...
even more eating... pasta... ice cream gulping...

phew... there goes. look at what hum did... all the dotz. haiz.

2004-08-06T22:19:00.000+08:00

how many legs does a giraffe have?

it sure is easy to bluff zd. =)

2004-08-05T18:22:00.000+08:00

today rawks. i must say it kinda overlooked the fact that prelims are a staggering 3 weeks away. yes 3 weeks. in 3 weeks time i shall embark on a lone campaign to outwit, outplay and outlast the fearsome bevy of teachers. i kinda feel pwned already, as liqian may say, as simple mathematics would depict, an average of less than 1 week per subject excluding geepee. nia. nevertheless my paper-backed comrades shall accompany me to the depths of the teachers' sadistic clutches and back, unscathed (them at least). a virgin TYS and wads of lecture 'notes'. comrades, indeed.

apologies, i digress.

geepee was enlightening. at least lim ah was. liqian and i managed to engage lim ah, in the annihilation of nicodemus ng. its amusing how she manages to oust us linguistically, even the entire class, with myriads of fancy vocabulary and extensive knowledge, on a periodic basis. it was better that she was on our side. haha 10 minutes worth of trashtalk, limah style, offloaded on our teafriend. its like a multiplier effect, which kinda reminds me of the movie, pay it forward, where 1 good deed is forwarded into 3 good deeds and 3 into 9 and so on.. it just gets worse and worse. exponentially. haha.
p.e. was enjoyable. the latest craze on volleyball took its toll on 33, as our hearts, emblazened by this sudden passion for the sport, carried us to the all-to-familiar court. good rallies were few and far between, we kinda have trouble going past 11 hits.. perhaps the coming weeks will see an improvement? =)
chem lecture was.. ok chem lecture sucked. we had a survey on the chemistry department this year and i.. okay lets just say i was honest. i din reallie think the lectures were captivating or what.. but i sure gave them my 2 cents worth. then we had a lovely food chem test. my 2nd page was snowwhite and 1st page was full of crap i tink rudy's gonna have a good laugh. 'what are the 2 types of food spoilage?' 'Mouldy tomatoes and fungi-infested prunes'. damn i wish i studied (not that it'd make a difference). maybe i could have crapped my way into passing. =P
ended the day with some jammin in the band room. yihui wuz on drums and some girl was playin the guitar. i took the keyboard. and damn it was fun. 'this is all improvised sh*t' as yh would say haha.

i'm gonna miss days like these.

2004-08-05T18:13:00.000+08:00

hwa chong homecoming carnival!!

friends. friends. friends. orange T. starch paste with peanut. juniors' jelly. orange hair. fruitcocktail. sushi. table soccer. 3-0. =). wooden tablet. gs. mass dance. dunk. dunked. rudylee. $50. her. bear. cafe wadeva. 4.90 teriyaki chicken. photos!. =).

my class 03s33. =).

2004-08-04T14:21:00.000+08:00

rudy knows what we did yesterday...
lim ah knows what nav and yh did last carnival...
we all know what tom did to socket last prac...
i know how much i weigh last measurement...

ignorance IS bliss...

2004-07-25T20:36:00.000+08:00

ignorance is bliss.

knowledge is power.

ignorance. =)

2004-07-23T18:24:00.000+08:00

sometimes i try.
i try too hard.
but when it all comes to naught,
i wonder why i did.
maybe for love?
maybe for glory?
and when the silence sets in,
i am alone.

2004-04-23T01:06:00.000+08:00

yoz...
this blog looks familiar.... thanks wendy for ur wonderful contribution.
i finally got the first entry up...phew... it was tough man, considering i have a particularly uneventful life. certainly no purple costume parades for me, dawg!
these few days have been devastating and depressing for the nation and also the class. nicoll highway collapsed (and i emphasize again... it is not my highway and i din cause the collapse), junyi was sent for CS, wendy thrashed zhanxin in chinese chess (my condolences)... but above all, mr lau is going to lecture us for the rest for term 2. too bad for us indeed. for those whose predicaments i have not listed, please forgive me. maybe some of you fell out of love, lost a beloved pet (10 years... lalala), i understand how you feel and i feel sorry for you too. really i do.... but now to the important stuff. jennifer got booted out this week.... argh... la toya and fantasia are in the bottom 3... (hey, it affects a larger population ok??)
before i seriously go out of control, let me end this first. it's my first entry ok... and i dun want to ruin it.
nico, out.