yesterday was counselling session 3.

and so i sat on the couch. brown couch. cushioned. 4 legs. nicely supported. good hinges. soft. comfortable. good workmanship.

and then i fell when the doctor came in. it was painful, pride pricked hard. but i picked myself up alright n we casually exchanged pleasantries. so she started her normal routine, asking how are me's, how am i feeling's. and i just replied her normally. but a surge of anger rose up within me. i tried to subdue it but i lashed out all the same like a pent up volcano waiting to erupt. and bam. she bore the front of my anger. guilt entailed.

and then i fell again. again she asked the normal questions. but i didnt reply. i didnt scold her though. it was tough replying. why? the words just couldnt leave my mouth. it was like stammering, when in a classroom brimming with high tension and fixated gazes. and the teacher calls u, to answer. the teacher is a no-tolerance one, strict beyond any student's imagination. n u dun really noe the answer. that kinda stammering. the answer just wont come out. even tho i had the answers.. at the back of my tongue. i so badly wanted to just say the answers. but either i was being cautious. or i just couldnt say it out.

3rd time i fell. she asked normal questions. i replied. n i answered beautifully. elegant long answers. flowing sentences with perfect word structure. as though i had thought thru the answer a long time and merely regurgitated. and i would keep on elaborating my reply till she prompted me on to the next question. but soon, she stopped prompting me. and i suddenly realised that it was tough to reply anything. there were no more answers. no more beautiful sentences. no more perfect phrases. no more lovely quotes. my eyes searched for help but she wouldnt say anymore.

the day i fell at the doctor's.